Ask Dan and Jennifer » women

What Women Want

Chick In Heels — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:15:43 +0000

I recently read an article about what women want, and your average woman commented on what ‘touched’ her most when it came to men. Some women wanted help around the house, some women wanted sex in a certain manner, some women wanted appreciation. It got me to thinking about what women REALLY want in a relationship. It will be interesting to see if the women out there agree with me, I tend to think more like a guy (or so I’m told lol!!).

Playful Passion

Number one for me is that I want to feel passionate with my man. I want to feel like there is always a fire burnin’ for one another. I want to keep the spice alive!! I love it when my guy and I are flirty together and keep that ‘secret connection’ in the forefront, like stealing those mini make out sessions whenever the opportunity presents itself. It’s vital to a relationship to take advantage of those times – those moments when you can still be playful together. The key however, is having the desire and mindset to be actively flirty and fun with your partner. It’s easy to let life distract you. Bills, chores, work, kids – the lazy route is to have these things interfere. The participative route (which is a whole lot more fun and rewarding) is to WANT to keep the special moments going. Women crave this kind of connection from their men. The guy who will slide up behind her while she’s working in the kitchen – even a passing ‘goose’ to say “how YOU doin??”

Foreplay First

For the women out there who want sex (and who doesn’t!?!) the consensus seems to be that they want some good quality foreplay. Guys who show they CARE about how you respond to their actions. Guys who take their time and WANT to turn their woman on (on a side note, guys should expect the same in return – a girl who merely ‘gives it up’ doesn’t cut it for a guy’s excitement level either). Some guys can get lost in the ultimate goal of ‘getting her off’ and lose sight of the passion in attaining that outcome. Sex shouldn’t be a chore between a couple in any way, both people should equally enjoy the physical involvement. Sex is the one thing that bonds you above and beyond all other relationships – make it feel that way – make it a priority. Women want to feel sexy, loved and that you care about what excites them in the bedroom.

Cunning Compliments

Along with that point is that women want to feel like their man is attracted to them. They want to feel beautiful. Most women have an inner conversation that pin points their flaws and physical insecurities. I’d be hard pressed to find a woman who doesn’t mentally criticize her cellulite or weight or breast size…you name it, we self scrutinize it! Men are not always aware of the internal self doubt that a lot of women have. We count on our men to remind us of how beautiful we are. Every woman desires to hear that. A woman wants to feel like no matter where she is, the man she is with looks at her as the most beautiful woman in the room. Men may be surprised at the realization that the odd compliment can boost us so high. I’m guilty for looking to my man for approval, always wanting to look my best for him – I’m not one to take his attraction for granted. A woman who feels good, also feels good to be around fellas!

Love and Loyalty

An important factor to a lot of women (and men) is commitment and loyalty. Anyone in a good relationship values the commitment of their partner. Feeling safe and secure in their bond and not having to question their partner’s actions. Knowing that their partner chooses to be with them and is devoted to the relationship. I believe that the commitment level that you are willing to give should be equal to that of what your partner is willing to give as well. Feeling like your man would do anything for you and has completely given of himself to you, and vice versa. A woman desires for her man to show he is proud to be with her and has no problem indicating his belief in the commitment he has to her. A woman longs to be her man’s one and only.

Ultimately both sexes want to be with a partner who ‘betters’ their life. Who is supportive through the rough times and helps to create the good times. Someone you can laugh with, someone you enjoy spending time with. The one person above all others you would choose to be around no matter what it is that you are doing. The person in your life who you want by your side. If you really think about what you want – I am certain the qualities I have mentioned here will be the ones that count the most, even above any physical or social attributes. Passion, supportiveness, devotion and commitment, the person you’d be missing if they weren’t in your life. Someone who puts your feelings above all else. Someone who makes you happy.

Ladies – Dating Advice and Love in 90 Days from Dr. Diana Kirschner

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:38:34 +0000

We all need a little nudge, a helpful word or piece of advice in the dating game. The human mating ritual is amazingly complex, and let’s face it, few people really have it down.

And in the end, most of us are looking for someone to love, to be there for us, a partner, a lover.

According to dating expert and psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, "most single women unconsciously make the same mistakes over and over again in love, regardless of age, work success, or the type of man they are dating."

In her new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, Dr. Diana tackles the top questions single women everywhere face: "Why am I attracted to the wrong kind of guys?", "Why is he just not that into me?", "Why can’t I seem to find the One?" She outlines the secrets to finding Mr. Right and the crucial steps single women can take to create fulfilling love that lasts.

To help women find that ever elusive love relationship, Dr. Diana also pulls no punches as she outlines a strategy that gets women on the path to smash through their self-sabotage and forge a healthy love relationship.

If you recognize Dr. Diana, that’s not surprising. She’s a frequent guest on The Today Show, Montel Williams, The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet, has appeared on Oprah and Good Morning America, is a featured dating expert at Yahoo! Personals.com and is the Official Dating Guide at Selfgrowth.com. And get this – she was the Love Specialist on The Simple Life Goes to Camp with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

Dr. Diana’s Love in 90 Days workshops and classes have helped thousands of women find love. And her new book, 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, is a result of requests from women wanting to know the strategies, methods and techniques that she has used to help women of all ages find lasting love.

So check out her Love in 90 Days website where you’ll find new cutting-edge articles on rapid dating success for women, e-tips, a discussion forum, and relationship quizzes.

And be sure to also check out her dating blog, where she’ll be posting the latest techniques, dating tips and relationship advice for successful online and off-line dating, research on love relationships, and up-to-the-minute discoveries to help you create the love you want.

This review is sponsored by Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

Why Condoms are the Latest Trend in Women’s Personal Care Products

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 13:18:48 +0000

Ahhhh the condom…

Mention it and you can clear a room faster than yelling “FIRE!”

So what do we all have against this poor little piece of latex?

Well, it can be an awkward addition to a passionate event… sort of the third party of a love triangle you don’t want to deal with.

But practically speaking, you should always have a condom with you.

Women should listen intently to this…

The Condom is a WOMAN’S Product

The condom is a very effective means of contraception, and helps to protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases, including HIV. Women are at higher risk for most of these infections than men, simply because of the way we are designed. Some 300,000 American women have HIV or AIDS alone, and there is a new diagnosis about every 30 minutes. By age 50 at least 80% of women will have acquired genital HPV infection.

If the condom is there for contraception and to alleviate some of the spread of these viruses why aren’t more women carrying them?

It’s ironic that women can take birth control without much social consequence. Yet somehow if a woman carries a condom it places a stigma on her and conjures so many questions. Why does she need to carry condoms? Is she looking for sex? Is she easy? A woman’s answers to these questions are her own, and no one else’s business unless she invites someone into her business.

So while we all do our part to shift the stigma away from a woman taking care of herself, we can make carrying condoms a bit more discreet and a lot less embarrassing. There are so many products out there to alleviate this issue.

New Trends in Feminine Condom Accessories

You can carry them in a luxurious condom compact, like the one called Just In Case, that looks like a make up compact, but has a secret compartment for two condoms. You can even open the compact and use the mirror without giving away your secret stash! Check it out at www.JustInCaseInc.com.

If you want to keep condoms near your bedside, take a look at the Devine Condom Cube. A cute little leather cube with a magnetic closure that will hold your condoms with a little more design flair than the box they originally came in. Check this one out at www.RomanticGifts.com.

Hate the packaging of the condom itself? Check out ONE brand condoms; a new brand with a designer flair. At first glance you may not even know what it is with it’s new round packaging and avant-garde graphics. You can find these little gems at www.JIC2compact.com.

It’s Time to Shift the Paradigm for Women Carrying Condoms

The new reason to carry a condom is self respect. The new reaction to women carrying condoms must be positive. There is nothing sexier and more attractive than a woman who takes care of herself in every aspect of life. A woman who gives herself the gift of self-respect and self-love, will require that from her partner, and that woman’s partner will return the gift by honoring her request for protection. It’s a dance, when we’re unsure, we step on each others toes. When we know the steps, and follow the music, it can be the most beautiful time in your life. Keep it beautiful, keep yourself protected.

This article is brought to you by JustInCaseInc.com. To sponsor an article on AskDanAndJennifer.com, Click Here.

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 19:53:33 +0000

Here’s a common scenario…

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together, we rarely have sex. We are becoming more like best friends and I’m scared the passion is fading.

I don’t want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it. What can I do?

Watch this short video to find out how you can spice up your sex life and bring back that spark you had in the beginning…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Easily Meet The Hottest Women Anytime, Anywhere, and NEVER Worry About What To Say

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 19:24:03 +0000

If you’ve been around for a while, you know that we always suggest using extreme caution when applying seduction tactics.

Remember, she will get to know the real you eventually.

But if you really get stuck in those first few minutes and find yourself fumbling around like an idiot when you see a hot girl, then certain seduction techniques can help you get your foot in the door so that she will actually take the time to get to know the real you.

If you’d like to know exactly how to use the latest cutting edge seduction technology to make meeting even the hottest women, anytime, anywhere, as easy as hangin’ out with the guys, then keep reading…

This Is THE Breakthrough You’ve Been Waiting For!

By far the most popular item that we’ve seen has been a DVD product that tells you exactly how to seduce a woman – from the opening approach to the first few minutes of real conversation.

This DVD shows you EXACTLY what to say, and the 4 effective energetic "vibes", or pathways that make any of her responses turn into a YES for you.

Here’s just some of what you’ll find out in this start to finish seduction road map:

How to use the 4 different approach vibes in the proper combination and sequence, to ensure no matter WHAT your opening words are, the conversation will progress exactly as you want it.
How to get past all "compliment resistance" with the super-powered "Implied Compliment" method.
The exact different physical angles and approaches to use in different approach scenarios.
The "step back" principle; creating an interest "vacuum" to test her willingness, convey safety and power, and condition her from the very beginning to be the one coming after YOU!
Three magic words to make ANY opening lines 500% more effective.
Mastering the "put-on": how to instantly convert any observed situation or condition into a hilarious, fun, mega-icebreaker that she can’t resist.
The 6 Gold-Walk Up beliefs you must master and command to ensure your absolute pick-up mastery!
3 steps you MUST take before you make any approach to triple or quadruple your walk-up success.
The 90% rule to eliminate almost any pre-approach jitters.
The strategic use of pacing and pauses to create hypnotic response potential within the first 10-15 seconds!
Structured assignments and drills to build your walk-up skills.
An amazing new "boyfriend ignorer", the best I’ve ever used, that also includes word for word powerful hypnotic language that turns her "boyfriend" objection into a filter of desire, lust and need that she HAS to see you through!
The fabulous "Snack Quiz" and "Twin Brother Scenarios": here’s how to get them to actually sit down and easily and smoothly move right into powerful patterning language!

You’ll never get stuck again on where to move things forward with Speed Seduction® language, and you’ll watch as Ross Jeffries demonstrates the power of these scenarios on lovely, young Joannie, who is visibly turned on by the whole thing.

Listen… there’s an unlimited supply of incredible women waiting for you when you’ve learned these fantastic secrets that ensure you’ll never have to worry about what to say, ever, anymore, again!

So if you can relate to what we’re saying in this post, this is the best product we’ve found to date.

Don’t wait. Get your copy right now!

If you still have doubts, go check out Ross’s Speed Seduction website, where he’ll answer all of your questions like,

Does this stuff really work?
Will this work on older women? Younger women? Beautiful women?
Can I use this to get that one special girl I’ve always wanted?
Is this disrespectful to women?
Does get this course make me a loser? What are your typical students like?
I’m not very good at talking, how can I make sure this works for me.
Does this course require that I be mean / cruel / a jerk to women? I sure don’t want to do that.
Ross, what is your background for being able to train others in Speed Seduction.
Isn’t this course really expensive?

While you’re there, check out the Unstoppable Confidence Course, where you’ll discover How To Have Unstoppable Confidence and Power With Women.

Here’s what you’ll learn from this amazing course in just one week:

Day One: The Key To Changing Anything You Want, The Power Attitudes For Success With Women, Super-Affirmations To Super-Charge Yourself. (Hey, the power attitudes, BY THEMSELVES, are so incredible that if all you do is listen to this one side, you’ll at least triple your success with women!! But do yourself a favor, and listen to the rest of the tapes too!)
Day Two: Building A Thunderously Powerful Self Image: Staying Laid Back To Get You Laid Like Crazy
Day Three: Automatic Pick-Up And Seduction Programming!
Day Four: Cleaning Up Your Past: Changing Your Flub-Ups, Mistakes, and Snafus Into Powerful Guarantees Of Success!
Day Five: Wrap Up And Special "On The Prowl" Super-Chargers, Including the World’s Best Pick-Up Lines and Approaches.
Day Six: Special Bonus Side… How To Reach Through Time and Space To Find Your Ideal Dream Lover (my partner begged me not to put this in because he thought we could make big bucks off it by itself as a separate program but I told him where to stick it! Here it is, available to you now, worth your entire investment in and of itself!)

Don’t wait. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t Get the Unstoppable Confidence Course Today.

What Does Your Drink Say About YOU?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 22:15:30 +0000

Before you order a drink in public or try figure out how to approach that really hot girl, you should read this!

It was forwarded to me in an email today.

It’s funny, but pay attention… There just may be some truth to it.

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could ‘nail’ a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

Check out the results.

PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her If she’s interested, she’ll send YOU a drink………

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk… and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however,
be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila No explanations required – everyone just KNOWS what happens there…

PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum — The deal with guys is, as always, very
simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He’s gay

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 03:11:44 +0000

The Question:

My partner and I have been together for 2 years now and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I’m sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can’t seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we’re losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I’ve had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we’ve been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don’t know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I’m scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks ‘Let’s have sex?’ is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren’t living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but 3 times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t think I want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it – I don’t know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long term relationships go through this ‘phase’ where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and 3 years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you…

Is Shyness Keeping You From the Girl of Your Dreams?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 16:37:10 +0000

The Question:

There is this girl at my church that I think might like me. Every time I get a chance to say something to her I don’t because I’m really shy. What can I say or do to break the ice?

The Answer:

The challenge here is that you really like her and really want her to like you. And that’s the problem. That wanting translates into fear – fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being alone.

STOP! Let’s go through this together so you will be able to approach her with ease the next time you see her.

She’s a regular person, just like you

Don’t put her on a pedestal just because you like her. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make with women, which is why they strike out so often.

Remember, she’s a regular person, just like you. So, treat her that way. Be nice, friendly, and most of all, confident in yourself. You wouldn’t be shy talking to one of your guy friends or a girl that you have no interest in, right?

So treat her like that – just one of your friends.

Men and women aren’t nearly as different as we all like to believe. At the end of the day we’re all people with needs, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc. We all need friends, companionship, and so on.

How can you tell if she likes you?

When you talk with her, notice how you feel. Do you feel like you WANT her to like you, or do you feel that she DOES like you? Is there a strong surge of energy, a magical spark between the two of you? Down deep, you’ll know if she really likes you.

You can feel it. Trust your gut.

Warning. Many guys make a big deal about asking a girl if she likes them. Don’t ever do that. You’ll put her on the spot and she’ll have to choose without getting to know you first. It’s like deciding if you want to buy a car without ever sitting in it.

The key here is confidence and belief in you. Listen for what’s in your heart, not for what you want to be there. If you’re too nervous to even talk without stuttering, then you won’t be able to read your gut feelings. So it’s very important to get a grip on yourself and just relax.

What if she turns you down?…

Dating Advice for Men from PerfectMatch

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:32:46 +0000

Per Marc Brooks at Online Personals Watch, PerfectMatch is announcing something special for their members… to help them actually meet and keep that special person.

They’ve teamed up with BeBetterGuys to bring their male members dating advice.

Looks like PerfectMatch is balancing out their iVillage partnership with this addition.

It’s really great to see online dating sites going the extra mile and adding help and advice for singles, instead of just offering a plain ‘people shopping search engine’.

It’s a win-win for everyone: PefectMatch members, the dating site, and the advice site.

I think we’ll see more of the paid dating sites implementing features like this to really help their members be more successful. That’s the best way they have to compete with the ever growing number of free dating sites, like PlentyOfFish.com, popping up every day – better and more member focused features.

Mark Brooks – Online Personals Watch

BeBetterGuys brings its expertise in men’s fashion, grooming, dating, and etiquette directly to Perfectmatch’s four million members. The BeBetterGuys "Game Plan" provides a nuts-and-bolts how-to approach guide to help Perfectmatch’s male membership prepare for, and enjoy, a more successful in-person experience. Perfectmatch has partnerships with MSNBC, Lifetime Television, iVillage, Knight Ridder, Go.com, Warner Bros., Paramount and NBC Universal Studios. The newest book written by Dr. Pepper Schwartz, "Finding Your Perfect Match" (Penguin), appears in bookstores nationwide.

Full Article at PR Newswire.

Top 10 Resources for Valentine’s Day Ideas, Tips, and Advice

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:04:40 +0000

Stop searching all over the internet for creative and romantic ideas this Valentine’s Day. We’ve done all the work for you and put together a complete list of resources for you. Inside you’ll find resources to help you have the most romantic and sexy Valentine’s Day ever!

After searching all over the web (so you don’t have to), here is our Top 10 List of resources for this Valentine’s Day.

Romance

Creative Valentine’s Day Ideas

Our top pick is from one of our favorite men in the romance area – Michael Webb.

"One of the least romantic days of the year is Valentine’s Day. Yes you heard me correctly. The majority of men act like robots, purchasing flowers and chocolate for their sweethearts because that is what everyone else is doing. Many people celebrate the day out of obligation rather than celebration.

Here are some ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day a bit more romantically and creatively."

Here’s our favorite book from Michael Webb – "300 Creative Dates". If you don’t have it yet, we highly recommend it!

What Women Want for Valentine’s Day

"Valentine’s Day is coming up, and even if you haven’t got a girl to buy something for it’s important that you know about the art of gift buying for women."

RomanceTips.com

The destination for romantic tips, ideas, date advice, and romantic articles.

Ten Tips for a Romantic & Memorable Valentine’s Day

"The Valentine’s Day gift you choose for your loved one and how you decide to spend the day says a lot about the quality of your relationship, so give something that has real meaning to you. Gifts from the heart don’t have to be expensive. Since the traditional gifts of flowers or chocolates don’t last forever, here are ten creative ways to express your love."

Sex and Intimacy

Red Hot Valentine’s Day Guide from iVilllage.

What do guys find sexy in a woman? 18 Body Language Clues That Say He’s Interested. Worship-Worthy Oral Sex Secrets. Why guys don’t like Valentine’s Day.

The Top 27 Valentine’s Day Tips to Make Your Man Desire You More

Great article for women…

"Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. You have been in a relationship with a man for a while, but he hasn’t been committed to you. You might wonder about him: “Is he going to commit to me on Valentine’s Day?” “Is he going to propose on Valentine’s Day?”

Valentine’s Day is actually the best day to break up with a partner if the relationship isn’t going anywhere. My 27 Valentine’s Day tips are politically incorrect, but they are always practically correct."

Top 6 Erotic Books for Valentines Day Gifts from About.com

"Some say that time is the greatest Valentine’s Day gift you can give your partner. But what if you run out of things to say? While that isn’t likely, consider offering your lover an erotic bedtime story, or an erotic poem to start off Valentine’s Day right. If time or creativity constraints prevent you from penning your own words of love or lust, consider these collections of new and classic erotic writings."

Other Valentine’s Day Resources

KnowledgeHound.com

Activities, Party Planning, Games…
Ideas for a Romantic Evening for Two

MyDearValentine.com

Valentine’s cards and ideas, dating tips and relationship advice.

Valentine’s Day Guide from LovingYou.com

Do you have another great resource to share? Leave a comment below and tell us about it.

51% of US Women Are Now Living Without Spouse

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 21:51:41 +0000

Wow! I couldn’t believe this when I read it, so I just had to share…

Read the full article: 51% of US Women Are Now Living Without Spouse

Relationship Secrets… Should I Have Told Her?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:05:00 +0000

The Question: I’ve been seeing a girl for 4 months. We were serious but she started teaching and wanted to take it down a notch because she is under so much stress from the internship and she has anxiety attacks and is on medication for them. I found out today that another reason she can’t be serious with me is that I get mad at things she thinks I shouldn’t.

During the 4 months we have been seeing each other I’ve kept it a secret that I have anger issues from a head injury I got a couple of years ago. This injury left me with small lesions that affected my mood, memory, and some motor and thinking skills. Even though I’ve been through therapy for it and have gotten somewhat better, I hate telling girls, or anyone else, because I don’t want to use it as a crutch or a sympathy card.

I got so worried after tonight that she was seriously going to dump me that I sent her an email telling her of my ailment. The last girl I dated and told her about it kinda disappeared, so I’m a bit scared what she will do because I really like this girl. I just couldn’t let her keep thinking that I’m a jerk when my anger is only so much in my control.

Should I have told her about the lesions and how they affect me or should I have kept my mouth shut?

The Answer:

Whether you should have told her or not doesn’t really matter since you already told her. What’s done is done. As a rule I never regret absolutely anything. You can choose to learn from all your choices and experiences and do something different next time, but stay away from regret and self doubt. They only hurt you and lead to uncertainty, which leads to more regrets.

But keep this in mind for the future… You should always talk about a serious or emotional topic in person, never on the phone or via email. In an emotional situation like this, if you really need to get it off your chest, type up that email and then save it in draft or delete it all together. You’ll feel better and will still have the opportunity to let things cool and have a calm chat in person.

From my perspective, full disclosure is a must if you’re considering a long term committed relationship with someone. Otherwise, secrets (small or large) seem to create a heaviness over the relationship because you’re always wondering if the other person will find out. Most likely, your partner will find out anyway because secrets have a way of coming out eventually.

It is however a good idea to wait to share certain intimate details until it looks like the relationship is actually going somewhere. Picture going on a first date with someone and you both go through a laundry list of countless little things that "the other person should know". Most of those are completely irrelevant if you don’t build a relationship. Unless you have a firm foundation and you truly want to be together, none of that stuff really matters… and it could torpedo your chances of getting to know each other.

Regardless of any disability, she was attracted to the person you are today, and the person you’ve been for those four months. Period.

Your best chance to salvage the relationship and keep her is to confront the anger problem aggressively. Start a new anger management therapy program, or whatever else you think will work, and include her. But definitely take action to make it better. That way she’ll see that you truly care for her and you’re serious about making her happy and being with her.

Second Date Ideas… Keeping it Fun and Exciting after the First Date

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 20:12:00 +0000

The Question: I have a second date with a special girl. I live in the Cleveland Ohio area. I found a place we can go to see x-mas lights on a horse-drawn wagon. She has a daughter and I’m thinking she is ready to settle down. I really like her and I’m ready to settle down. Do you think that the horse drawn wagon is a good idea and not too pushy or romantic?

The Answer:

The horse drawn carriage ride definitely sounds romantic and also very thoughtful. Everyone goes to dinner at some fancy place on their first dates – that’s not special. She’ll appreciate that you actually came up with something creative and romantic.

If you want to stand out from the crowd, always strive to be yourself, to be different… Don’t go on the same dates everyone else goes on, and don’t copy what everyone else does. Do something exciting and memorable, and most importantly – have fun.

Fun and happiness is extremely infections… people just can’t get enough.

One caveat… if she seems at all uncomfortable around you, then it may be best to take her to a more public place place like a restaurant. That way she won’t spend the evening with her guard up and the two of you should have a lot more fun. That’s usually more of a first date issue, but still keep it in mind.

In the end, you two will have to decide together. Tell her what you’re planning and let her choose what she’s most comfortable with. Better yet, brainstorm some ideas together, and come up with fun ideas for future dates. That way you’re way more likely to reach third date and beyond.

A word of caution on the topic of settling down… you’re not there yet. Don’t rush it. If you’re too focused on the end goal of "setting down" you could sabotage the relationship before it takes off by being too pushy or needy. When the time is right and you’re more comfortable around each other (you’ll know when that is…) – talk openly about how you both honestly feel about settling down. Make sure that you have that conversation in a neutral, no pressure environment and be prepared to listen to what the other person has to say.

Take this one day and one date at a time. Enjoy your time with her now and see how your relationship grows and evolves.

You’re definitely on the right track… keep it creative and exciting and fun.

For some fun and really unique date ideas, check out our review of Michael Webb’s excellent book 300 Creative Dates.

Friends After Break Up… Why Won’t He Return My Calls?

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 16:54:00 +0000

The Question: Last year Jim and I dated for a month then broke up. We’ve known each other for 4 years and after the break up last year we still remained friends. And then, this year in April we got back together again but he broke up with me about a month ago. He said he never wants to see or speak to me. Please tell me why he suddenly doesn’t want to be friends? Please help me because I need to know this to get over him.

The Answer:

There are many reasons why he may no longer want to be friends.

Here are some possible reasons why some find it difficult to stay friends after a breakup…

He may need time to heal emotionally. It could be painful to see you.
He may be seeing someone else and fears that being friends with you may jeopardize his new relationship.
If the breakup was difficult, he may be angry at you and need some time to cool off.
Being around you may bring up emotions and feelings that he’s trying to suppress.

It could be one of these or a hundred other different reasons and you’ll make yourself crazy trying to guess what that reason is. In the end, the ‘why’ doesn’t really matter because it’s an emotional decision, not a logical decision. When we try to identify the ‘why’, what we’re really doing is trying to come up with a logical explanation for an emotional decision. If you stop and think about this for just a moment, you’ll see why it doesn’t make sense to even try. So whatever the reasons, he’s decided that the two of you can’t be together and you need to face that and move forward with your life.

If you continue to try to figure it out, you’ll just end up blaming and finding all kinds of faults with yourself, which will in turn make you miserable. If you keep pushing him, you could end up spoiling any chance of a future friendship.

So STOP! Yes, right now. It’s time for you to move on with your life and find happiness.

One of the best ways to get over the pain of a relationship that has ended is to get back out there and date some new people – find that connection again.

Contrary to what some people think, we don’t believe it’s necessary to be miserable and alone for a certain period of time after a breakup just to avoid the rebound zone. Being lonely and alone won’t make you or anyone else happy. It’s almost like punishing yourself for no reason.

But what about these rebound relationships that we’re always hearing about? Don’t people warn you to stay away from rebound relationships?

Well, yes and no. Just be aware that when you break up with someone it’s very common to find someone that’s the exact opposite of the last person you were with. More specifically, the exact opposite of whatever you think didn’t like about your previous partner. This is good and bad. It’s good because experiencing many different types of people and relationships allows you to better identify the exact type of person who is really right for you. It’s bad because, this new ‘opposite’ person may also be opposite in all of the things that you actually liked about your previous partner. Just keep this in mind as you find yourself attracted to new people. Stop and ask yourself what it is that you like about him or her and make sure that it’s not just that they are ‘not’ like your previous partner.

By the way, if you do prefer to be alone for a while that’s OK too. It’s your life; you make the rules. Do what feels right in your heart.

Trying to figure out why your last relationship ended isn’t going to help you, it’s only going to make you miserable. So, keep an open mind, call up some friends, and go meet some new people. Listen to the advice of those you trust most and then always, always follow your heart even if it goes against their advice. You are in control of your destiny and what’s right for them may not be what’s right for you.

First Serious Relationship… Should We Date Other People?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 22:04:00 +0000

The Question: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost seven months now, and I love him a lot. He says he loves me too, and I believe him. We’re already talking about getting married after we graduate from college, but I feel uncomfortable sometimes because this is my first serious relationship. He, on the other hand, has had actual girlfriends before, and a lot of them. In fact, he started dating me about a week after his previous girlfriend broke up with him.

Maybe this shouldn’t bother me so much, but it hurts so much whenever I think about how he’s loved multiple girls before me. It just feels like if we broke up, he’d begin dating someone else right away. He promises this wouldn’t happen, but I’m not so sure. It wouldn’t bother me so much if I was his first girlfriend also. I feel like if we end up getting married, I’ll have wanted more dating experience.

I thought I should talk to him about this, but honestly, what good would it do? I can’t change the past, and I’m sure he doesn’t regret dating any of his past girlfriends, but I regret not having had more serious relationships. I thought maybe I could talk to him, and we could take a break for a month. I haven’t said anything to him yet, but I do want to know whether he’d date other girls during that month, or wait for me, proving he loves me.

I know it’s stupid and he shouldn’t have to prove his love. And maybe I’m just being paranoid, jealous, and vindictive… but it hurts, thinking of all his ex-girlfriends. What do you think I should do?

The Answer: First serious relationship or tenth serious relationship, the feelings that you’re feeling are perfectly normal. They’re feelings of ‘wanting control’. We all want to subtly, and some times directly, control other people – our friends, our parents, our boyfriends, our co-workers. We want to make them do, act, and say the things that we feel is best.

The easiest solution here is to try to let go and understand that you simply can’t control another person. You can love them, and they can love you, but you simply cannot ever control them and make them act the way you want them to. This is an illusion that has shattered countless relationships.

One of the biggest underlying problems in troubled relationships today is that people feel like they "own" their partner. This is the real reason behind jealousy and similar types of feelings. The best thing to do is to just allow other people to be themselves and love them for who they are and not who you want them to be.

It doesn’t matter who he’s been with before. It’s those decisions and those relationships that have made him the person you’re in love with. In the same respect, it’s your experiences, or lack of experiences that make you the person that he loves today.

If you want to date other people, then that’s cool. Just be up front about it, talk about it honestly, and make sure that it’s something you both want. But you shouldn’t set a double standard and definitely don’t use it as a test to see what he’d do. If you bring it up and he honors your suggestion, then that’s the deal. Simple. Just be prepared to accept the outcome. If you let the birdie out of it’s cage to see if it’ll fly away… it just might.

I’d stay away from the marriage talk for now. If and when the time is right, you’ll know. Some people get so excited about getting married quickly, we joke that it’s almost like locking in a low mortgage rate… "quick, sign here before the rate goes up".

Guess what? There’s no requirement for every relationship to turn into marriage. In fact, a lot of relationships sour that way because we all grow and change. Many times, we grow and change in different directions, regardless of what the legal marriage document says. It’s a good idea to take enough time to be sure that you’re both growing in the same direction.

Live your lives together, enjoy each other, and be happy on your journey together. Tomorrow will come soon enough and in it’s own time. Until then, enjoy what you have now.

Related Link: Are you just getting back into the dating scene? If you are then come check out a free personals site where you can browse through singles in your area or even find date ideas.

Honesty About Previous Sex Partners… How Much Do You Really Need To Share?

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 22:25:00 +0000

The Question: I have been with a man for 5 months. He told me a few months ago that he has strong values and wants to wait for marriage to have sex. I was a little disappointed, but I respect his beliefs. We are very open with each other and I have never lied to him about anything until he asked me how many people I have slept with. I said 3, but the real number is around 40. I’ve never been so sure about someone in my life until I met him and wish to put my promiscuity in the past, but I fear he may look at me differently due to his strong values. That is why I wonder if it is necessary for me to tell him the real number of people I have had sex with. Or is this a lie that can remain a secret?

The Answer: My first response is that it’s no one else’s business how many people you’ve had sex with in the past or will have sex with the future…

Don’t allow yourself or your actions to be judged by another person. We make decisions every day and we learn from the results of those decisions and move on to the next decision. There is absolutely no reason to regret any decision you’ve ever made as long as you learned something from the experiences that followed. We grow with each experience, each choice, and each relationship. Some philosophers say that’s what life is really about – experiencing life so that we can discover who we truly want to be.

"We sometimes have to experience who we don’t want to be so that we can discover the person we want to become."

Each of us has our own set of core values that are important to us, but that doesn’t give us the right to push those values onto another person, nor to judge that person because they do not share our values now or in the past. Your partner should not judge you for your past actions because it is those actions and decisions that have made you the person that he or she loves today.

One man’s convictions, values, and moral beliefs are another man’s heresy. For thousands of years different societies have persecuted other cultures and societies for arbitrary "values" and "morality".

Ponder this for a moment… In the greater scheme of the Universe, what gives one man or society the right to determine what is right and wrong for everyone else? Or to force others to feel shame if they feel or believe differently?

If you are suppressing who you really are to match up with another person’s "strong values", realize that there’s nothing wrong with who you are, and there’s nothing in the world that makes their values and beliefs, or life experience, any better than yours. Period. Beware of convincing yourself to live up to someone else’s values. You could end up resenting the other person for it, which could end your relationship.

While I cannot make your decision for you as to whether or not to tell your boyfriend the actual number of people that you’ve slept with, I will say this: Open and honest communication in a relationship is vital to its growth and survival. If this is something that will haunt you and cause you distress on the inside, then you should tell him because suppressing it will affect your relationship. But if you can truly forgive yourself and let go of any guilt that you carry around regarding your past sexual activity, then I say let sleeping dogs lie and move on with your life.

Want To Spice Up Your Next Date? Try Boston Not So Proper…

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 18:44:00 +0000

Looking to get some hot new clothes for your next date? Or maybe some exciting new lingerie for that intimate evening you’ve got planned?

We’ll you’re in luck…

Jennifer gets this women’s clothing catalog from Boston Proper. They’ve got some really steamy but classy outfits throughout, and the models are, well, certainly endowed and prone to show off.

We jokingly refer to the catalog as Boston Not So Proper. Seriously, check out their stuff when your thinking about your next date with your significant other. And of course, there’s always Victoria’s Secret… They have some really sexy date clothes as well.

Now, for lingerie, check out Fredericks. They have a great selection.

Also, a good friend of ours, Bethany, has a great lingerie site – Totally Sexy Lingerie. She has great prices and a good selection. Plus, she’s cool and will handle your order personally, so go check out her site and pick up some sexy lingerie today.

But is it ok to buy this stuff? What if you offend your woman? Ladies, afraid ‘he’ won’t like you anymore?

Ladies, face it, your significant other loves to see you in this stuff. There’s lingerie out there for every body size and shape.

And guys, yes it’s ok to buy your special lady sexy lingerie. She’ll be flattered that you think and fantasize about her. Yes, she DOES like the fact that you think that way about her – and not about some other woman! In fact, tell her often in a discreet and loving way, that you think about her body and that you really want her.

A woman wants few things more that to simply know that her man desires her.

On that topic, look for our series of articles on relationships and the hidden porn epidemic:

"Quick, Hide the Porn, Your Wife Is Coming!"
"How Can You Make Your Man Stop Surfing Porn After You Go To Bed?"

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer

Calling All Animal Lovers… Dan and Jennifer Team Up With DateMyPet.com

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 17:58:00 +0000

We’re really excited to tell you this…

We’ve just teamed up with DateMyPet.com to get the latest dating and relationship tips and advice to their members. Spreading the good word!

If you haven’t heard of DateMyPet.com yet, you’re missing out.

They’ve been featured by The Today Show, Good Morning America, MSNBC, the LA Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, and many other major traditional media outlets – and that’s just in 2006.

They’re a great example of a niche online dating site, for animal lovers like us.

In fact, DateMyPet.com was a major point of discussion in our revealing interview with Heather Vale for the soon to be released Online Dating Confessions ePackage where we reveal everything we’ve learned from our online dating business over the last three years. Stay tuned. You won’t want to miss this.

Have an awesome day!
Dan & Jennifer

P.S. If you love animals like we do, don’t forget to check out DateMyPet now.

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Seems MySpace and Friendster Aren’t Just For Your Kids Anymore…

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 08:17:00 +0000

Ok, so we all got used to thinking about MySpace and Friendster as online hangouts for the college and younger crowd.

But something’s changed…

These amazingly popular social networking sites seem to have absorbed a large segment of the grown-up population.

According to Comscore, the nice folks who bring us website stats, the age of the average MySpace user is – get this – between 35 and 54.

“MySpace.com has the broadest appeal across age ranges, Facebook.com has created a niche among the college crowd, Friendster.com attracts a higher percentage of adults, and Xanga.com is most popular among younger teens. There is a misconception that social networking is the exclusive domain of teenagers, but this analysis confirms that the appeal of social networking sites is far broader.”

You can get down and dirty details from the ComScore press release here:
http://www.comscore.com/press/release.asp?press=1019

So, we’re not talking mostly college kids, but rather a majority of people who are over 35. Go figure.

Of course, there’s been a lot of back and forth between the "in the know" and the "wanna be in the know" people (a.k.a. "experts") on this for the last week or so.

The truth is probably somewhere in between, but the bottom line remains – MySpace isn’t just for your kids anymore.

Don’t be shy – leave a comment on this post and tell us what you think.

Have a great day!
Dan & Jennifer

______________________________________
Ask Dan and Jennifer
Authors, Coaches, and Online Dating Insiders
www.AskDanAndJennifer.com

Online Dating – Why Almost All Men Blow It in the First E-mail

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 31 Jul 2006 17:44:00 +0000

The EZ Guide 2 Online Dating experts help thousands of men avoid the relationship killers that almost all men make in that first email. With women out numbering men on most dating sites by at least 2 to 1, how is a guy supposed to get noticed?

(PRWEB via PR Web Direct) July 31, 2006 – The experts at EZ Guide 2 Online Dating help thousands of men avoid the instant relationship killers that almost all men make in that first email. They want to ask women, "What will make you read a guys message and not hit the delete key without even giving him a chance?"

Reports estimate that 50% of online singles have met less than two people in person as a result of online dating. Many men have never actually met a woman in person as a result of online dating.

"Fact #1: There are 16 million singles attempting to find their perfect match with online dating – 11 million of those are Men."

"Fact #2: A good looking female profile will get more than 100 winks and 50 messages in a single day."

What does this mean? It means that even the most awesome profile and the most intriguing message may never be read.

How is that possible? Simple… Women with good online profiles get tons of winks and messages every single day.

So, how is a guy supposed to get her to open and read his email and not hit the delete key? The experts behind the EZ Guide 2 Online Dating are offering a free online dating report to help men avoid the most common devastating email mistakes so that he can get out from behind the computer and actually real meet women in person. That is the end goal is it not?

But they are not stopping there…

They want to ask the millions of online women what they recommend. To all the ladies who are sick of getting lame emails from guys who obviously did not even read their profile, now is their chance to tell them all about it.

They are inviting all women to take the "How Do I Get You to Open My Email?" survey and tell the guys what they want to see in an email to keep them from hitting the delete key and actually give the poor guy a chance. The results will be published at the EZ Guide 2 Online Dating for everyone to see.

They encourage any adult over 21 to download this free report and take the "How Do I Get You to Open My Email" survey today. Respondents will be added to a special notification list alerting them when survey results are published.

The experts at the EZ Guide 2 Online Dating hope to help online singles actually meet real people with the answers to this survey – to help people communicate better and actually meet someone with Online Dating.

Download this press release as an Adobe PDF document.

For more information contact:
Claire Brent
http://onlinedating.ezguide2.com/
+40720770773