Question: Hey Dan and Jennifer, this girl and I have been talking and she and I both really like each other, but our age difference is substantial, however, I don’t see a problem with it. She still likes me but she is nervous to be with me. What is your advice on my situation?

–YouTube Viewer

The Older You Get, The Less It Matters

When you get older, an age difference between you and your partner matters less and less. For example, if you’re 75 and your partner is just 60, it’s less of an issue than if you’re 32 and your partner is 17. If you or your partner are currently middle age, then there is even less to worry about. If you are 40 and your partner is 55, you’ll find that people are actually surprised that you’re fifteen years apart! If you’re young, however, the age difference can easily become a big deal. Even just a few years in this case can be a problem. If you’re 16 and your partner is 18 or even 19, you’ll notice that a lot of people have something to say about dating a younger woman or man.

Take It Slow

When you’re young, don’t be afraid to take it slow if you and your partner are a few or several years apart. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow and it can pose less of an issue if you and your partner are dating without being sexually active, depending on your age. This comes into play more often if one partner is under the age of eighteen and one partner is over the age of eighteen. The younger man or woman may want to wait until they turn eighteen before the couple takes the relationship to the next level. Regardless of the age difference, however, make sure you and your partner are both ready to take that step if the time comes. If you aren’t, there’s no reason to rush it!

When It Becomes A Legal Problem

Legally, eighteen is the age in which people can give consent to have sex. If you or your partner are under the age of eighteen and one of you is over, it can become a legal issue when sex becomes involved. A vindictive parent may decide they want to press charges for “statutory rape” or “corruption of a minor” even if the “victim” is just a few weeks or even days shy of being eighteen. Parents can press charges even if the “victim” was fully consenting of the sexual act. The statute of limitations on this kind of charge is long enough that you could be in trouble well after your partner turns eighteen. If both partners are under the age of eighteen, the issue becomes less of a problem as both parties involved are considered minors. However, once one partner turns eighteen, legally you and your partner can get in more trouble than it was worth. The best thing to do in a situation like this is play it safe and wait!

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In truth, it does matter but it matters less and less as you get older. Should you let age be a factor during dating?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Does age difference really affect relationships? My partner and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years. My parents are determined it won’t work because of our ages. We’re 4 years apart but I’m under 18 and he is 19. We have been through so much and we both still believe we can make this work and we’re planning to get married as soon as possible. So is this a waste of time for us or is it possible?

–Corie, Virginia

How Young Is Too Young?

First, let’s take a look at how young “too young” might be. For example, if you have a 15 year old person and an 18 or even 19 year old person, you’re asking for trouble. Although the four year age difference isn’t much when you look at a couple that is 50 and 54 years old, a four year age gap when you’re that young really seems like a bigger age gap than it really is.

Sexually speaking, if these partners are sexually active, you bring in a whole new element to the equation. Statutory rape charges can be filed at that point and one or both partners can end up in more trouble than they’d like to be in. Even a two year age gap at that stage can make a big difference, for example, if one partner is 17 and the other is 19.

Once both partners become “of age” or turn 18, age differences begin to matter less and less as you age. While an age difference between an 18 year old and a 26 year old might seem like a big deal, the age difference between a 41 year old and a 49 year old doesn’t seem bad at all.

When you’re young, be aware of statutory rape laws and other laws and make sure your relationships abide by them. Keep in mind that even once you turn 18, a huge age gap still makes a difference until you get a little older.

Slowing Down

Regardless of your age difference, if you’re young you might want to rethink rushing into a relationship and especially rushing into a marriage. Right now is the time to really figure out who you are and focus on yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t date or have a relationship, but trying to take a plunge into a serious relationship or even a marriage might be more than you want to take on right now.

Sadly, you won’t really realize it until it’s too late, when your responsibilities are overwhelming you. Take some time right now to really enjoy your life and figure out what you want to do with it. Focus on school or your career and let your dating relationships be a source of enjoyment to you, not a source of responsibility.

Let’s take one last look at why age differences seem to matter more when you’re young and why they matter less when you’re older. In past centuries, women were married off when they were very young, as young as thirteen, to much, much older men.

As society grew and developed, this became less of an accepted practice. Laws were created so that 18 was the accepted age where someone becomes an adult, and that sex is illegal unless it is between two consenting adults. If your relationship goes outside those boundaries, you might want to rethink it.

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I am looking for a younger woman but most women want to date someone around their own age. What can I do? – Anonymous

Today’s question is from one of our readers who wishes to stay anonymous; we’ll call him Bill.

Read the question again. Notice how Bill is already convinced that the younger woman he seeks will not be interested in someone his age. This is a self fulfilling belief which is virtually guaranteed to come true. If you believe deep down that you’re going to fail, then you will.

The Honest Answer

In short, yes, you can absolutely find a younger woman that’s right for you. You just need to set your target, take action, and stay the course.

How can you get started in the right direction?

First, take a look deep down inside and figure out exactly why you want to meet a younger woman. And then think about what this perfect woman would be like. Describe her in as much detail as you possible can. Then, write it down on a piece of paper. List her age, physical appearance, personality traits, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. Once your have described the perfect woman for you in great detail, fold up that piece of paper and carry it with you for 1 week.

Imagine that you are already with her. What will you do? What will you talk about? Where will you go? REALLY feel it and get into the emotion of it — How will you feel when you are with her? All of this may sound silly, but do you know that by simply writing down what you want, you increase your chances of getting it by 80%!

Just think about that one for a minute…

“The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.”

- Lee Iacocca

Social stigmas and why do you care?

You don’t. Our society is full of social stigmas. We’re so busy being concerned about “what others will think” that we we’re afraid to pursue our own dreams. Yes, many people love to pass judgment on others, but that’s their choice and their right. Why they do it is a larger topic for another day, but it’s really not important here. No one else can possibly know what’s right for you, so why listen to them?

A wise person once said,

“What someone else thinks about you is none of your business”.

Is it true that most women want someone around their own age?

This is completely untrue! Fact is, each of us has different and unique wants and needs. Your goal and single focus should be finding the perfect woman for you. Period.

5 easy tips for attracting and dating younger women.

Younger women are often attracted to traits like maturity (like their daddy), more money and higher social status, masculinity, leadership abilities, confidence, and composure, so it’s important for you to focus on whichever of these traits you possess.

1) Be yourself.
When older guys meet a younger woman they often get nervous and start to act really weird. Don’t do this — just be yourself.

2) Keep it light and fun.
Be playful. Have fun. Tease her. She hasn’t forgotten what it’s like to play and goof around. It’ll do you some good to remember not to take life so seriously. Be a little crazy and opt for things that younger guys generally can’t afford to do. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself.

3) Be the leader. Be the man.
Younger women are most likely looking for someone to take the lead. They have less experience in life and are most likely looking for someone to show them what’s out there. Make your date and other plans ahead of time, but be sensitive and ask her opinion of the plans that you have already made. (She may be allergic to sushi). Be a man, yet respect her opinion. Opening doors, walking on the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs is another way to make a big impression on younger women.

4) Don’t act like a “perv”.
Most attractive young women have been hit on by some lame, perverted older guy. Don’t try to move in too soon or she’ll think you’re just a “perv” looking to get into her pants. When your alone together, it’s OK to flirt, but let her pursue you for anything further. Otherwise you may scare her away.

5) Give her some space.
Younger women have probably just gotten out of their parent’s house with very structured lives and zero freedom. If she’s attracted to you, it’s not because you’re re-creating the suffocating environment that she just left… it’s because you represent something different. Give her some space. Be the man that she’s always dreamed about, and then don’t chase her. Let her come to you.

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