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Too Comfortable? What to Do When Your Man Gets Complacent and Stops Trying (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 18:55:53 +0000

In the first days and weeks of dating and courtship, everything is exciting, exhilarating, rosy, and wonderful. Ah, the joys of lust and the magical infatuation phase of a new relationship.

But then after a while, sometimes just a short while, many people (yes, both men and women) let themselves get comfortable and stop trying so hard. The new relationship is now ’set in stone’, and they assume it’s a given they’ll still have that new partner tomorrow.

After months of surprises, flowers, chocolates, and romantic candlelit dinners, it’s hard to see all that end so abruptly. Not only that, but you want the romance to blossom and grow, not just to continue as it was!

For whatever reason, men tend to be particularly bad about this – taking their new girlfriend (and yes, especially their wife) for granted. What’s even worse is that concerns or complaints about the change in attitude and behavior are typically met with defensive and resentful responses, if they don’t fall on deaf ears all together.

You had a great thing and don’t want to break up… but what do you do?

What can you do to make him treat you like he used to – to bring the romance back into your relationship?

Here are our thoughts on this topic. Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

We’ve only been together for 4 months and I’m noticing that my boyfriend isn’t doing certain things that he use to do and I’ve mentioned it to him a few times but he hasn’t come around. All he says is "sorry" and "I hear you".

I spoil him (Cook, clean, rub his back) which I enjoy doing because I love to see him happy but then again I don’t want to get the short end of the stick either.

I wonder if I should take a step back, but then I don’t want to push him away and make him think that I don’t want him. He is used to dating women that need materialistic things and he feels that as long as he provides me with those things that I should be happy.

I’ve explained to him that I make my own money and I can provide for myself, what I need is a man that adores me and cuddles and says sweet things in my ear.

Don’t get me wrong he is a good guy, but I want to nip this in the rear before it gets out of control. Please Help!!!

- Angelina

Watch this short video for the answer…

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Why Won’t He Tell His Family About Our Relationship? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 02:27:24 +0000

Friends and family can often be very unsupportive of your new relationships.

You know the drill… your mom keeps finding faults with your new girlfriend, your friends don’t think she’s "not right for you", and so on. Or your dad just thinks "that new boy just isn’t the one", and makes sure to remind you of that 3 times a day.

So if you’re in love and want the relationship to blossom, you’ll have to decide what side to take – and who can make those decisions in your love life.

Some people ignore this "well intentioned" advice and make their own decisions on life and love, while others just give in and walk away from their newfound love.

And then there are those who decide to live a double life with their newfound love, and hide this relationship from their family and friends. For whatever reasons, they decide the secrets and lies are worth it.

But is this really better than facing your family and friends and making the hard decision? Where do you draw that line?

You decide. Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am 71 years old and I have been seeing this guy who is 80 off and on for 3 years

He lives one hour from me and I met him on line

The question I have is that after that long and being intimate he still keeps me a secret from his family

He says he is divorced for 5 years but I asked him once does your daughter and son know about me he said no

They couldn’t face the fact because of the divorce – she is 27 and son is 28 he has no phone and I have never been to his home he has been to mine many times and has met my whole family

Whenever I bring up the subject about his home or anything he evades the question he said he loves me deeply but if I mention I don’t like all these secrets he thinks I have found a young stud and that makes no room for him and if I even think I should look somewhere else I feel guilty.

Please tell me where you think I stand because I am thinking of joining a singles club in town. It isn’t that I want to be with him 24/7 it is the mystery behind all this.

I have the computer for communications unless he calls me from a card phone which I can’t call back on. Thank you for your time.

-Rose

Watch this short video for the answer…

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High School Sweethearts: Is It Meant to Last?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:28:40 +0000

It’s happens all the time. High School Sweethearts go off to college. Usually, they go off to different colleges and that ends it pretty quickly.

But what happens when they actually go to the same college and see each other every day?

It may be more difficult to break it off, but as people grow and mature, especially at that age, they tend to go their separate ways. And that’s OK. It’s almost expected.

There are occasions where they stay together and live happily ever after, but that’s not the norm.

For young couples in this situation, the important thing is not to focus so much on the ever after and enjoy the time spent together today, in the present.

Don’t rush into marriage too quickly. There’s no reason for it. You can always get married later if you choose to do so. Being together is not all about marriage, and it’s not always meant to lead to marriage.

Many people just see marriage as a safety net – a way to "lock in" that relationship permanently before it gets away. Signing a marriage contract won’t make you closer. But getting married too soon in any relationship will usually lead to a lot of heartache and often an even more painful breakup.

Open and honest communication is critical. One may worry about the other’s happiness and make foolish decisions just to keep from hurting their best friend. Talk about your relationship frequently at this age because both of you are changing and growing so much all the time.

What may have been a valid assumption about your relationship in January may no longer be true in June. It’s not that the other person is fickle or confused. The ages between 18 and 27 are the years when a teenager becomes and adult and truly discovers who they are. They come out of their shell so to speak.

In many cases, this means leaving behind old friends and lovers, including your High School Sweetheart. Not because they’ve done anything wrong… You’re just growing and changing in different directions.

While it may hurt to break of the relationship, if you are honest with one another, five years from now, you’ll probably still be friends because of the trust and friendship you’ve developed. If you lie and hide your feelings, you’re more likely to lose the relationship all together.

If you’re not sure that you want to continue the relationship – maybe you want to experience life and see what else is out there… Talk about it with your partner and explain your feelings. Let him or her know that it’s not about them. Make it about you.

In reality, two things could happen — you could be completely honest and find out that your partner feels exactly the same way – so you decide to just be friends, or your relationship may grow even closer because of your honestly and move to the next deeper level.

The important thing to remember is that the decision to stay together or to move on should be a mutual decision made by the two of you together.

Can She Get Pregnant If We Take a Hot Steamy Bath Together?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 13:15:39 +0000

Pregnancy Myth vs. Fact

Can she get pregnant while taking a hot, steamy bath together, even if we have swimsuits on?

The short answer to this question is "NO". There are many myths out there about what will and will not cause a woman to get pregnant. These myths are even more prominent in some of the more conservative religious family cultures because sex is simply not talked about in the home, so the kids grow up believing all kinds of myths and and tall tales about sex. It’s such a mystery to them…

In this case, sperm do not live very long outside of the body and when you throw in the chlorine from the bath, the little guys just don’t have a chance. Barring some type of immaculate conception, it’s very, very unlikely that a woman could get pregnant this way.

But don’t get too smug just yet, she COULD still get pregnant…

The Real Question About Sex, Pregnancy, and a "Hot Bath"

Here is a very interesting twist on this topic. If a couple is taking a hot bath together, are they sitting at opposite corners of this bath tub? Are they six feet away from one another? Are they waving at each other and having to yell across the pool to hear each other?

No? So then, what ARE are they doing exactly? Is there any alcohol involved?

In these situations proximity leads to more proximity… and that often leads to what we call "slippage". Couples can get lost in the heat of the moment and before you know it – "Whoops!"

So the real question is: "What are they really doing in the steamy, hot tub together?"

Taking a bath is highly unlikely. They are more likely pursuing mild, pseudo-sexual relations but are afraid to call it sex because of whatever silly taboo or maybe just a little shyness. So what can you do?

Call it what it is and take the appropriate precautions. Wear a condom if you really, really want to be safe.

Safe Sex Recommended Reading

If you really want to get a better understanding about sex, and especially safe sex, here are a couple of books that will get you started on the right path.

The first one is the Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex. Whenever you want to learn a new topic, the Idiot’s Guide and even the For Dummies series are great because they cover so many aspects of the subject very thoroughly. They’re also generally very well written and easy to read.

Another book which is a very well illustrated and also very tastefully done is the Sexopedia by Anne Hooper.

If your parents didn’t bother talking to you about sex, like most parents don’t, go grab these two books and you will better informed. It’s a much better idea than getting this info from your buddies and flying blind…

Sex is a natural and beautiful part of life, but it’s also a very serious topic. What you don’t know about sex CAN hurt you. If you’re going to partake in it (even if you don’t quite call it "sex"), get educated and be smart about it.

How Soon is Too Soon to Start a New Relationship After a Divorce?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 04:28:46 +0000

While there’s no real answer to this question, there are some important things to keep in mind.

Many people worry that it’s too soon to have feelings for another person and worry about what their family and friends will say. In reality, you feel what you feel when you feel it, and you’ll know when the time is right. Don’t second guess yourself and don’t let others tell you what you need to be happy.

When you get a divorce, it’s very common to miss the companionship and closeness that you once had. So what can you do?

Most importantly, don’t try to fill that void with the first person that comes along.

And when you do meet someone, take it slow, worry a little less about the future and just go with your feelings today. Don’t focus so much about the end result. Many people agonize about "where the relationship will go", etc. Stop it!

Enjoy your time on the phone. Enjoy going on dates. Just take it day by day. Don’t worry about rushing into another long term relationship, especially since you just came out of a marriage.

I’m sure you’ve heard this: "Give yourself time to heal and get over the divorce." And that is quite true. Otherwise what you may end up doing is going into what everybody calls a rebound relationship, where you end up dating someone who is the complete opposite of your ex-spouse. In time, you’ll find out that just because he or she is the opposite of your ex, they’re not perfect either.

Recognize this type of relationship for what it is and you’ll be fine. It’s OK to spend some time with someone who is the opposite of your ex. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Just don’t get too excited, because rebound relationships normally don’t last. The right person for you is probably somewhere in the middle of what you left and what you’ve just found.

In summary, just take it slow and enjoy it day by. There’s absolutely no need to rush into a serious relationship. You’ve finally got your freedom, so why not take some time to enjoy it?

High School Sweethearts – Can It REALLY Last? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 17:55:28 +0000

You’ve seen time and time again… young couples together since high school, making plans to be together forever.

Ah, young love… It’s beautiful and romantic, but forever is a pretty big word. Being so young, high school sweethearts are much more likely to grow apart than older couples.

They go to college, make new friends, find new interests and passions. And before you know it, they find they’ve grown apart.

So here’s the question: Can it REALLY last? And if it starts falling apart, what can you do to keep from losing your best friend?

Watch this short video to find out…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to chime in and tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Sex Myths Exposed – Can Your Girlfriend Get Pregnant from Taking a Bath Together? (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:45:23 +0000

You’re planning a hot steamy bath with your girlfriend, but just to be safe you’ve both got your swimsuits on.

Can You Get Her Pregnant Taking a Bath Together?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I wanted to know that if I and my female partner are taking bath together having my shorts on and her panties on, can it happen that my sperms getting contacted with water and then to her panties, can make her pregnant. Please. Give me the safe way out, for I don’t want my partner to get pregnant.

Myth or Fact? You Decide…

Watch this short video to find out…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Here’s a resource we recommend for helping women achieve orgasm every time:

Check out our review of The Female Orgasm Black Book. You’ll be very surprised by the percentage of women who have NEVER had an orgasm with a man – we certainly were.

How to Approach Relationships After Break Up or Divorce (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 16:21:48 +0000

How soon is TOO soon to approach a new relationship after break up or divorce?

Nobody likes being alone, especially after being in a close intimate relationship, which is why most people start dating again soon after ending their old relationship.

Dating someone new is fine, but be aware of WHY you’re dating this new person. While there’s really nothing wrong with it and there’s no mandatory "you must be alone and miserable" period, it’s crucial to avoid getting into a rebound relationship for the wrong reasons.

Just because they are the exact opposite of your old partner doesn’t necessarily make them RIGHT for you. It just eases your short term frustrations with your previous partner, the frustrations that caused you to separate.

Watch this short video to find out more on how to approach relationships after break up or divorce…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship (Video)

Dan and Jennifer — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 19:53:33 +0000

Here’s a common scenario…

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and we have been living together for about 4 months. Now that we are living together, we rarely have sex. We are becoming more like best friends and I’m scared the passion is fading.

I don’t want to lose my relationship but I don’t know if I have the will power to save it. What can I do?

Watch this short video to find out how you can spice up your sex life and bring back that spark you had in the beginning…

Don’t forget to go to YouTube and rate the video and subscribe to our channel.

Then, be sure to tell us your thoughts - leave a comment below.

Help – My Overactive Sex Drive is Killing My Marriage!

Dan and Jennifer — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 14:42:43 +0000

Are you a man with an overactive sex drive?

With all of the Viagra and Cialis commmercials, you might think that men just can’t get it up any more, but that’s not always the case.

There are many married men, and men in relationships, who just can’t get enough. This can be a real issue if your partner is not sexually matched with you.

So what do you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some great ideas to help you, and your partner, enjoy sex fully.

The Question

I know there are a lot of people who wish they had this problem… I wonder if there is any way my body is over producing sex hormones. I am 52 years old, not 19, and my sex drive is beyond explaining.

I am very healthy and work out 4 to 5 times a week at the gym, and want sex ALL the time. You guys crossed anything like this before?

And yes, I am married and way over sexed for my wife.

The Answer

Wow! I bet there are a lot of guys who WISH they had your sex drive – at least if all the male sexual enhancement drug commercials are any indication. While I can’t speak to what is a normal sex drive and what is not, here are some ideas to help you find a workable solution for you and your wife.

Find a solution together with your wife, not alone

Regardless of which way you go with this, the most important thing is to be vary open and honest with your wife about how you feel, what you’re experiencing, what your needs are, and your feelings toward her.

Don’t be judgmental or make her feel inadequate in any way. That can only go bad.

She has to know that you still love her just as much, but you have some very strong sexual needs that aren’t being met.

Explaining to her how you truly feel and what your situation is should hopefully gain some understanding and empathy from her. This of course depends on how open and up-front your relationship is. We share everything, and discuss all of our issues and concerns together. Most couples don’t, and that’s reflected in the 50%+ divorce rate. Open and honest communication is crucial to a happy relationship.

There are several ways that you can go with this…

Help! My Partner is Driving Me Crazy!

Melody Brooke — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 12:52:01 +0000

Have you ever been in one of those relationship "discussions" – read: arguments – with your partner that for no reason seems to escalate out of control and when it’s all over, you’re sitting there in a daze wondering what happened?

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could identify these situations before they occur and stop arguments in their tracks?

Here’s great article from featured author, Melody Brooke on just how to prevent these "discussions" from spiraling out of control.

Help! My Partner is Driving Me Crazy!

When we are in a long-term relationship we sometimes find that we are caught in conflicts that make us feel crazy. We don’t understand what the other person is talking about and they don’t seem to understand what it is we are trying to tell them. Often this is about the time couples give up on their partnership and call it quits. Why does this happen? How can we stop it?

It happens because we are animals. Yes, essentially we are human animals driven by instincts that we don’t have conscious awareness of, but that are driving our behavior nonetheless. It’s not terribly complicated, though it’s not all that easy to change. Understanding what drives us and why we react the way we do, and why our spouses are reacting the way they are; helps us move through it to a (hopefully) happy resolution.

We can stop it, but it’s sometimes really hard. To begin with, recognize that whatever it seems like the conflict is about is not what it’s really about. I know it’s hard to accept but what you are really upset about it not that he didn’t call when he said he would or that she got upset with you for being late. That may be what triggered the discussion, but it is not the source of the upset. Let me explain.

When we feel we are being attacked or threatened in someway we feel that we are the Victim, and the offending person (our partner) is the Villain (perpetrator, bad guy, whatever) on an emotional level. Now, we may know intellectually that this person is our lover, our spouse, our intimate partner, etc., but we don’t feel that way when we are feeling attacked or threatened. On an emotional level, we are the Victim and they are the Villain. As long as we are emotionally in this place, our relationship is ultimately doomed.

Our instinct then, is to attack back in order to feel safe or that we are protecting ourselves. I call taking this position being in the “Self-Protector” position. Of course, if we are “Rescuers” we might instead, let our partner off the hook by saying, “Oh, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I am getting upset over nothing” thereby placating our partner and avoiding a fight. But the end result is the same, we haven’t stopped feeling like a Victim and they are still the Villain in our heart.

So if fighting back or placating are not the answer, what is? How do we stop the craziness?

The answer is simple, but not easy. We take ownership of our part in whatever upset our partner, or of what is upsetting us, and then provide empathy and respect for our partner. This is what it looks like…

Is It Possible to Love Two Men? How do I choose?

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 22:42:59 +0000

Ponder this question for a moment…

Society teaches us that it is wrong to love two men at the same time, or two women for that matter.

At the same time we are taught to love everyone in our family unconditionally.

Is it because that love is not sexual in nature?

Why isn’t is possible, or should I say, why are we taught that it’s wrong to love more than one person romantically and to be sexually attracted to more than one person at the same time?

Think about this while you read this question and our answer…

The Question

I am in love with two men. Both say they love me and eventually want to marry me.

One is my best friend, the person I feel I can talk to about anything, and the person who has always been there for me and who I can communicate with and makes me laugh. However, I am not sexually attracted to him, although I love him and enjoy intimacy other than sexual intimacy. Also in order to have children we will need to have IVF to prevent a genetic disorder, which will mean suffering for me.

The other is not my best friend. We have trouble communicating and he is always running around with his many friends rather than spending quiet time with me at home, although he can be very romantic and loving. However I am incredibly sexually attracted to him and love him, and also I would be able to conceive with him naturally without IVF.

I am confused. I have tried looking inside my heart to determine who I love more…but that doesn’t work as I love them both for different reasons and for different qualities. I have tried writing up a list of things I like and don’t like about both of them but this doesn’t work either. I need to make a decision as I am hurting myself and them. I am scared of making the wrong decision and regretting it later when I realize I chose the wrong person.

My question I suppose is, is it better to marry my best friend even though I don’t desire to have sex with him, as I know that communication will always be easy with him, and will not something that we have to work at. Also I know he will always be there for me, never betray me to his friends, always understand or try to understand my views, and spend more time at home with me instead of constantly going out every night. I suppose my problem here is that sex is an important part of marriage and I am scared I just wont want to do it as often as him as I don’t desire it, which will mean his needs as well as my needs will not be met, and will hurt the relationship.

Or is it better to marry someone who you are incredibly sexually attracted to since sex is a very important aspect of a marriage, and work on the communication, even if it means always having issues that you will have to work hard to resolve because communication between you is something that has never come easily and will require a lot of work because you are each on different wavelengths?

In a way I wish I could put guy #1’s personality in guy #2’s body, then I would have the perfect mate. I just don’t know what to do. I truly love them both, for different reasons. I just don’t know what I should give more importance to in helping me make my decision. I suppose that another resolution would be that since I don’t know who I love more, I would choose that person who loves ME more. In that way I could be more sure about making the right decision. Both have done things to hurt me, and both have done things to show me they love me, albeit in very different ways….so I really don’t know how to get that answer either.

I just want to do the right thing. I have had ample time to think about this and time hasn’t helped, in fact it has gone on too long. Please help me.

Confused Sarah

The answer to Sarah’s question…

Is it Wrong to Leave My Husband for a Man I Just Met on the Internet?

Dan and Jennifer — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 01:10:26 +0000

It’s becoming a common theme…

People meet someone online and want to leave their families and their lives behind – without ever meeting this person face to face.

In many cases, when they do actually meet the other person, they find that there is no spark, no chemistry.

How is that possible when they got along so well online?

It’s really quite simple. Attraction is much more than just logic and words. We are attracted to others because of the energy that surrounds them, their smell, their movement, their chemistry – so much more than can ever be conveyed over the internet or even over the telephone.

The internet is a great medium for initial introductions, but nothing beats good ol’ face to face communication to determine if you really like someone.

Think of Online Dating as "Online Introductions". After you find someone you think you may like, it’s time to get out from behind the computer, meet them, and really get to know them in the real word before making any life changing decisions.

Having said that, is it really wrong to leave your current partner to be with someone you met on the internet?

The Question

After 20 years of marriage, and 2 weeks of talking to a stranger online, I am ready to end my marriage and run off with a person 13 yrs my junior. I realize how insane this must sound to most. Sill as I live it, it just seems right. He seems right. If in fact my new friend is truly what he seems, is it wrong to want real happiness? After 20 years my spouse is no closer to meeting halfway on anything. I had resolved myself to this and thought this is how all marriages end up? Help?

The Answer

First, stop and take a deep breath. You don’t need to make this decision immediately, and you really shouldn’t. There are two very distinct questions facing you here, and combining them can be very dangerous.

1. Should you leave and divorce your husband?

2. Do you truly want to be with this new man?

Is it wrong to want real happiness?

…

Here’s How to Make the Transition from Friends to More Than Friends a Little Easier

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 16:00:00 +0000

The Question

I’ve recently had feelings for this girl and it turns out she’s had feelings for me as well.

We’ve been friends with each other for years but there’s always been something more there.

She told me that she had liked me more than a friend in the past and she does presently, and it’s the same story with me.

A few days ago we kissed for the first time after we had been out with a group of friends but were alone at the time. From that point on I considered us to be "official" and that’s also what she said to me after the kiss.

However, just two days later she sent me a text message saying "I can’t do this, I just can’t right now."

She has been messed around by boyfriends in the past and treated particularly badly by her previous boyfriend. I’m afraid this has something to do with it.

I really want to make it happen with this girl. Any ideas?????

So what would you do in this situation?

Force the issue and tell her to get over it or maybe sit back and wait for her indefinitely?

Here’s what I would do in the same situation.

The Answer

It sounds like she’s a little "gun shy" and who can blame her. Give her time and show her that you’re not like her previous boyfriends. She may just be really nervous about crossing the "dating" line and taking the risk of losing you as a friend.

Talk to her.

Tell her openly and honestly how you feel without putting any pressure on her. Let her know that you’re there for her regardless of whether or not she’s your girlfriend or just your friend. Whether your relationship with her is labeled as "romantic" or not, it sounds like you have a good relationship, one worth keeping. Too many people let their hormones drive their intellect and ruin a perfectly good relationship – don’t be one of those.

If she just wants to keep you as a friend, it doesn’t mean that she’s rejecting you as a person. It simply means that she’s not ready for a romantic relationship and doesn’t want to date you right now. So many men get angry over this situation because they take it personally, but most likely it has nothing to do with you – she’s already told you that she’s attracted to you.

Ask yourself why you want to take the relationship to the next level.

…

Attract the Right Person to Your Online Dating Profile With a Great Headline

Dan and Jennifer — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 15:54:54 +0000

It’s deceptively simple to sign up to an online dating site, but creating a profile that attracts the right kind of person to you can be a little tricky.

Does it seem like no matter what you do, the wrong people keep contacting you?

Does it really matter what you put in all of those little interest and hobby fields?

The answer is yes – sometimes.

What you say in your headline and in the details, and how you say it, can make all the difference.

The Question

Do a person’s hobbies attract a certain type of person? Do online daters even look at the hobbies and interest sections of your profile?

I have a problem with dating online. I spend a bunch of time making my profile "ME". I let my potential daters know exactly what I am about, but I still get interested people that have nothing in common with me. I’m tired stressing that some of my hobbies are my life. They are who I am. In my case it’s playing my instruments and making records. My thoughts were that the ladies would see how much I stress those facts. I always get interest from ladies I have no interest in. This may sound crazy, but I can’t like someone that is into pop music and I like rock. How do a stress, even more, that I am my interest and I am not interested in any other type of lady?

The Answer

It can be very frustrating when the wrong people keep responding to your online profile. You can use your headline to ‘qualify’ potential matches from beginning and further narrow it down in your detailed description.

A Great Headline

A great headline should sum up who you are and what you’re looking for in one short and witty sentence.

In this example, some good headlines might be:

"Music is my life. Want to share my life?"

"Let’s make great music together"

"Wanna rock? Only serious music lovers need apply"

"Hard core rocker looking for groupie"

The Devil is in the Details

My grandmother always said that the devil is in the details and I’ve always found that to be true. The details of your online profile should really identify what you’re all about and what you’re looking for in a relationship…

Is He Really Over His Ex-Girlfriend? How Do I Know for Sure?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 15:01:39 +0000

The Question:

I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years, and just found out from his ex-girlfriend that in the first year of us dating he was still sending her flowers, and making CDs of songs that made him think of her. She broke it off for good, and the last 2 years he has been with only me, but he has never gotten me flowers, or even made me a CD, and I don’t think I’d even want it. After finding out what he did the first year of our relationship, I feel like if she would have came running back into his arms he would have left me for her.

Now he tells me he only loves me and wants to be with only me, but as far has being romantic to me, that will never happen, for he did it in the past and it didn’t work, so I just have to love him for him, and not for what he did for her. But I’m like we have been together for 3 years now and you have never gotten me flowers or anything, and he told me it was something between them, and it would only bring up old memories. What do I do????? I love him so much, but all this really hurts bad… I need some good advice… please help me.

The Answer

This question leaves me with a few questions of my own – Is this really about the romance or the fact that you’re not sure if he’s truly over her? Maybe you feel that he doesn’t love you as much as her and that the ‘romance’ would prove his love to you? – Just a few questions to ponder…

It sounds like your boyfriend was not over his previous girlfriend when the two of you decided to get serious, but claims that he is now. This can be a tough one because he never really gave himself time to heal and let go of the previous break up which could result in him carrying around this baggage for a very long time.

Dealing with broken trust

Open communication and honesty are the two most important components of a successful relationship. You have to honestly know in your heart – If his ex-girlfriend called him up tomorrow, would he leave you for her.

He broke this trust at the beginning of your relationship. If he went around your back for a full year, then I’d be concerned about his commitment now. But only you can really gauge if he’s truly moved on.

However, let’s remember that 2 years have passed. People change, feelings, and emotions change. And they tend to change all of a sudden, when the time is right for each person. So while he may have been dishonest with you for a very long time, he may be perfectly committed to you now.

Open and honest communication from this point forward will be critical to the relationship – especially since the trust has already been broken once. Ask him how he honestly feels – you’ll have to be very careful to do this in a trusting, open, and non-threatening way. Otherwise, he’ll just shut down and not talk to you. You also have to be prepared for what you are going to hear – it may not be what you want or expect.

Listen to your heart

Down deep, you know if he’s really and truly devoted to you and shares your love fully. But the trick here is to listen to what’s really there in your heart, not what you want to hear.

Are you jealous of his ex girlfriend?

An important question here…

3 Ways to Make Your Long Distance Relationship Work

Dan and Jennifer — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 15:34:58 +0000

The Question: While on holiday during the Christmas break, I met a wonderful man. We had a great time together and are trying to make a go of a relationship. But we live in separate countries and if I’m really honest, I’m finding it quite the challenge.

Can you offer any advice on how to make a proper go at a long distance relationship?

The Answer: Long distance relationships can be quite a challenge. The most important advice that I have to offer is that if you’re going to attempt a long distance relationship, be completely honest with each other about your expectations, make sure that you live your own life when your apart, and check your jealousy at the door.

It’s very important to keep your own friends and social circle and that you don’t sit by the phone waiting for him to call. That’s the quickest way to go mad. Trust me; I dated a guy in the military who was stationed in Iraq. I lived by the phone for several months and was completely miserable the entire time.

The other thing that can kill a log distance relationship is jealousy. If you’re constantly worried about what he’s doing or who he’s with, again, you’ll drive yourself mad.

Recognize that we are social beings and we all crave companionship and closeness with another human being. Is it really reasonable to ask either of you to remain exclusive, when you’re so far apart? To ask each other to be lonely and miserable when you aren’t together?

Many people will disagree with me, but I don’t feel that a long distance relationship should be exclusive. You’re only setting each other up to fail or to at least be lonely. When you’re ready to truly be exclusive with one another – move closer so that you can really be together.

Lastly, be completely honest with one another in a compassionate and empathetic way. Tell the truth about how you’re feeling, but make it about how you’re feeling, not what the other person is or is not doing. Remember, you are the only one responsible for your feelings and your actions. No one else can make you feel a certain way or behave in a certain way.

Hope this helps.

In summary:

If you want to have a successful long distance relationship,

Keep your own friends and social circle
Check your jealousy at the door
Be completely honest about your expectations and feelings

Take a few minutes to read our answer to a very similar question that we received about long distance relationships.

Long Distance Relationships – Can They Really Work?

Dan and Jennifer — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 15:33:31 +0000

The Question: I met a wonderful man in April 2006. On our first date he told me that he would be moving across the country for graduate school in August and would not be interested in a long distance relationship. I continued to date him anyway, and we had a great relationship for 5 months. We saw each other every day and basically lived together.

When it was time for him to move, I told him that if he was willing to change his mind, I’d love to stay together and do the long distance relationship, but he was sure it would cause too many problems. He wanted to keep a friendship and to stay on good terms so a future together might be possible. Since he moved, we have spoken almost every day. He flew me to New York for Thanksgiving, and Florida for Christmas so I could meet his family.

It’s been bothering me that he won’t commit to be exclusive with me, so I told him to either stop calling me every day telling me he misses me and giving kisses over the phone, or show me he wants to be with me and be my boyfriend. I felt like I was giving him the benefits of having a girlfriend, without him having the responsibility of having a girlfriend. He thinks I’m worried too much about the title. I don’t know what to do because we’re a really great match.

Should I continue to talk to him and stop worrying about the title?

Or should I break up with him and move on to find someone who wants to call himself my boyfriend?

The Answer: I think your boyfriend is very wise and is showing great responsibility by not making promises that he’s not necessarily ready to keep. He told you up front what his expectations were for the relationship – something that a lot of men would not have been strong enough to do.

I agree with him, boyfriend is just a title. The terms boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, and wife are often used to imply ownership. Titles are for cars, not people. We cannot own or control another person, especially their feelings and emotions - as hard as we may try…

It sounds like he really likes you and that you have a great relationship.

Why does the relationship have to be exclusive for you to enjoy each others company? If your relationship is strong enough, why not just agree to be completely open and honest with each other. Agree to tell each other if you’re seeing someone else.

Seeing someone else doesn’t mean your relationship has to end. That’s just jealousy rearing its ugly head. Jealousy is an emotion of fear and control. We’re afraid of losing something that doesn’t even belong to us in the first place.

Since you’re so far apart, …